


days of awe

by metonymy



Category: X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom
Genre: Canon Jewish Character, Gen, Jewish Holidays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-10-05
Packaged: 2018-02-19 22:36:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2405390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metonymy/pseuds/metonymy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kitty isn't sure what atonement means in a world where she and her friends have to do anything they can to survive, and she doesn't think Erik is the best person to discuss that with. But he's all she has today, here, at the start of the new year as the gates of repentance stand open.</p>
            </blockquote>





	days of awe

**Author's Note:**

> Set in the Days of Future Past universe, a few years before Kitty sends Logan back in time.

They arrived in the early afternoon. Kitty phased them all through the walls one by one, choosing to leave the lock intact for now. The building seemed safe enough as a rendezvous point, at least, clearly untouched now that most of the city was empty. One more casualty of the Sentinels and their reign.

Bobby and Piotr headed downstairs, Clarice and James fanned out to the side corridors, and Kitty stepped up the short flight of stairs and pushed open the double doors.

Her breath caught. It felt familiar even though she'd never been there before in her life, light slanting in through the western windows on the rows of seats, the bimah empty and caked with dust.

She could hear footsteps and took a hasty breath, turning as Clarice appeared at the doors with a lit candle in her hand.

"They found some food," Clarice said lightly. "And we found candles."

Of course they had. Kitty glanced back at the front of the room for a moment before following her friend out and down to the lower level. It must have been the social hall, and one wall still bore posters she recognized from her own childhood, bought from the same company. The others were in the kitchen, lighting candles, taking cans and boxes out of the cabinets and weeding through them for whatever was still edible.

Everyone paused at the sound of the doors opening above, footsteps echoing through the too-quiet building. But then came the voice speaking in all of their minds: << _We've_ _arrived_ >>.

"No guards?" Logan asked as he came down the stairs. "You know better than that." He was followed by the Professor in his floating chair and Erik, steps slow and heavy.

Kitty could feel her face heating, and Bobby shot her a look before squaring his shoulders. "We were just about to discuss the rotation. But if you're so anxious, you can take first watch."

Logan raised an eyebrow, Xavier shook his head slightly and Piotr flat-out rolled his eyes. Kitty let herself relax into the banter, organizing the food and greeting the Professor and waiting till everyone was busy before drifting away. She couldn't resist the pull of the space, the knowledge of what was waiting for her upstairs.

There was a certain subversive thrill in taking a candle and lighting it, walking through the halls to read the calls to join various committees and study groups, phasing her hand through an office door to unlock it. Phasing with an open flame never worked out well.

The sun was setting by the time she wound up back in the main hall, sitting on the edge of the dais and looking blankly at the eastern wall. She should have been crying, she thought, but there was no stinging in her eyes or pressure in her chest. At least, no more than she woke up with every day.

Erik came through the doorway at the end of the hall. He waited till he had almost reached her to speak.

"Not rallying the troops, Katherine?"

"Wrong place for a rally," she said. "Or do you not recognize where we are?"

Erik looked behind her at the cabinet with its doors loose, one hanging crooked, neither protecting anything anymore. Past her at the bimah, clearly disused. Was it still a bimah if there was no Torah to place on it, she wondered.

"I do," he said finally, offering nothing further.

"There was a calendar," she said, feeling the tightness in her throat. Maybe she was going to cry after all. It seemed odd, a distant wish for something she wouldn't get. "It's Yom Kippur."

Erik's eyes were steady in their gaze, revealing nothing. "A coincidence."

"You don't think that's ironic?" she asked, looking up at the shadows crawling across the ceiling. "That we're here in a holy place on the Day of Atonement?"

"Irony is more Charles's department, I'm afraid," Erik said, settling on one of the chairs still left behind. He looked so old in the shadows, as the sunset died and her tiny candle struggled against the dark. "Besides, it hardly matters."

"You don't think so," Kitty said, looking out the window. "Because - what, you don't think we have anything to atone for?"

"I don't think anyone cares whether we atone for our deeds," Erik replied, steel in his voice. "Or anything. Unless you can look at this world, this devastation, and tell me you believe a higher power would let this happen."

Kitty could feel her shoulders rising up and forced them back down. "I don't know. I don't think it works that way." The enslavement of the Israelites, forty years in the desert, the subjugation of Rome - if there was a higher power, he listened selectively. "Besides. We're still here."

"Ah, yes, a worn-out old man and an idealistic girl crying unto God for their sins, begging to be forgiven. Or would you rather we recite the list of the dead? It's very long, and my memory is going. But we remain." The bitterness made her shiver, made her want to scream.

"I'm not a child. And I'm not stupid. I know how bad it is out there." Her hand went to her throat, where she used to wear the Star of David, where the inhibitor collar had cut her off from her powers for so long. "But if there's no hope at all, then why fight? Why not throw ourselves in front of the Sentinels and wait for death?"

"Hope. And you say you're not a child." Erik smiled, no warmth at all in the expression.

"What else would you call it? Revenge? I don't think revenge is enough to try and save the world." Kitty rose to her feet, walking past him to look out past the grime in the windows.

"You'd be surprised."

"And I think you're lying. Revenge isn't altruistic. It's selfish. You wouldn't be doing anything for the greater good if all you wanted was petty revenge."

"So is that what you put your faith in? Hope? That's -"

"So help me, Erik, if you tell me believing in hope and other people is more pathetic than believing in God I will phase you through a wall and leave you there."

There was a dry chuckle from behind her, and Kitty turned around. Erik was shaking his head ruefully.

"Forgive me, Kitty. An old man and his discontents. Believing in anything at all in these times is remarkable."

Kitty walked back over, sitting in front of him again, squinting up at his face in the gathering darkness.

"We have to believe. In something, even if it's not our God, or any god. In the idea that someday the Sentinels will be gone. Somehow." She had no idea how, none of them did, but they would find a way. They had to. Kitty ventured a very small smile. "You know I'm not very good at being told I can't do something."

"No, you're not. And it's not nearly as charming as you think it is." But Erik was smiling back at her. "And belief is nothing without action."

"That's why you're here, isn't it? That's why we're all here." A council of war, a moment to strategize before they took off again. Affirming their belief in their cause. Not so very different from renewing their faith for one day, repenting their sins and asking to be sealed in the Book of Life for another year, vowing to do better, to be better.

"I suppose it is." Erik got slowly to his feet.

"Did you just admit I'm right?" Kitty said, standing and picking up her candle, then offering him her arm. He waved it away.

"Do not test me further," Erik replied, which was basically a yes. "Charles is telling me that dinner is nearly ready and we'd better join them if we want anything to eat." He gave her one last smile, this one less cruel, and walked out with a lighter tread than before.

Kitty followed him, knowing she wouldn't come back up here, that they'd leave too early for her to try and remember the services, that it wasn't worth it to try and dredge up what little Hebrew she remembered to try and say it all by herself. That her list of names of the dead was one she repeated every day. That her belief was really far more small and tenuous than it sounded when she spoke out so loudly to Erik. But it was still there. This place was still here. And they would survive.

She turned once more to the ark and the bimah, to the empty space that could hold so many people, that could hold so much, and closed her eyes.

"Sh'ma Yisrael," she whispered. "Adonai eloheinu, Adonai echad. Baruch sheim k'vod malchuto l'olam va-ed." _Hear, o Israel._ She just hoped someone was still listening.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to pocky_slash and Amy for looking this over. <3


End file.
